DYING TO BE HERE

Dear Friends, 

It has been a complete year (and what a year it’s been) since I closed the brand. I’ve been deep in creation mode these past few months and the timing feels right to begin playing in new forms. Also, I’ve missed you and the open line of communication.

Honestly, I’ve probably been taking this Substack thing too seriously, and making it harder than it needs to be. After a year “out of the game,” reentering the conversation has felt high-stakes, even though I know IT IS NOT... Still, I want this to be good. I want it to land; for you, for me, for the contribution of it. I want it to mean something, to help us feel something better, something different. Otherwise, why do it?

I recently sat with a new friend at dinner who generously talked me through how to jump-start this. She said something like, “Mara, get to the heart of it immediately. Tell them who you are now. Talk about the death. Don’t waste time.”

I’m calling this next experiment The Crystalline Vessel. It will be an open exploration; identity, endings, transformation, psychedelics, family, travel, style, self-care, art, the people I love… and how to wear a bandana 38 ways. Basically, everything that has made me the artist, woman, wife, and mother I am today…plus everything I am still becoming.

So here we go. 

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I ran my fashion brand, Mara Hoffman, for over 24 years. It was BEAUTIFUL. It meant SOMETHING. I loved it and I will love it forever. 

We (the brand as its own animal and me) did extraordinary things together. We changed systems, we created alchemical beauty that placed the planet and humans at the center of our work. We included bodies and voices and put something into the world that was so uniquely US. I can’t wait to tell you so much more about it, from how it all began in my studio apartment above Curry in a Hurry in NYC to the work we did in the “Sustainability” space to all the reinventions and deaths and the guts of what it took to do it… To run a fashion brand for 24 years! This substack will be a place where I get to, over time, share all of it. 

But for the sake of a beginning, let’s skip to the end..

It was October of 2023 when I knew that the deep and familiar ache of discomfort was not going to dissolve and that it was only a matter of time that I was going to have to say the very unpopular and deeply painful thing out loud. It was time to close. I was exhausted by the scarcity mix tape that we were playing on repeat as well as the nearly impossible task of removing ourselves from the outdated and harmful expectations of our industry.  I knew (for a long time), that that was NOT this lifetime’s soundtrack and that there was going to be a whole new version of life waiting for me if I could find the courage to reach for it.

I still didn’t do it then, I wasn’t ready, so instead I continued to push forward. We continued with the Spring collection production that was in the works, we finished up our first and only brand deck that we had made to meet with potential investors and partners, we just kept going. I know some of you know this, what it feels like to be SO in love but you just know in your heart, you have to go. It didn’t just hurt, it ached. I bought time to stay, even when I knew.  

At the end of January 2024, there was no more holding it… It landed in me, down to the cells of my body. Thank God, because even though a huge part of me hated what I had to do, the clarity of knowing it as absolute truth gave me the ability to actually begin what had to be done. I knew on a Sunday and that Monday I told my VP’s. They heard the clarity, and it was that that gave them the relief to surrender to the decision. Any time before, my confusion, fear and non clarity  left space open for this incredibly dedicated group of people, who poured SO much of their talent and energy over so many years, to push back and talk me into fighting for one more season.

Like meticulous surgeons, we took on the task of learning how to wrap up a decades old fashion brand. We approached it the same way we approached everything we did, every collection, every dress, with thought and care and ultimate love. We were careful and private about it, we had to be. We needed it to be clean and needed it to be done in the utmost integrity for our supply chain, our people, and us. We learned so much.

On Sunday May 19th, I let the world know that I would be closing my eponymous brand after a robust and gorgeous 24-year run. I wrote a letter expressing my truths, speaking to both the grief and the gratitude of it all, citing the parts that broke my heart both personally and within the industry, and the parts that filled me with peace, hope, and expansion. It was an extraordinary relief to not keep it to myself anymore. It was finally something that could be shared and mourned together with my community, both my dearest close ones and the extended collective of friends and fans of the brand. 

I couldn't believe the amount of love that poured in; from the thousands of messages to the insane amount of sales on the website. I knew people were going to respond, but I had no idea to the degree they would. It was a testament and a love letter to what we had built.

INTERTWINED

The very next day, I received a call that my beloved father, Monte, had fallen and hit his head. Fuck. I flew to Buffalo and stationed myself beside him in the hospital. 

As I spent those 6 days sitting and sleeping beside my father during his most profound transition, I stayed tuned in to the cacophony of eulogy-like testaments that poured in from the internet around the closure of my business. It was as close to attending my own funeral as it gets.

I sat there holding both of our deaths. So intertwined, more connected than I ever could have imagined, bound to a shared contract around timing and rest. Whether we knew it or not, our destinies were tied to each other through our own versions of death. Mine was one that would give me new life here on this plane, and his was the giant one that would release him from this plane, this body, this whole version. 

That year was not so much my introduction to the art of death, but more the year I was invited to embody it with everything I had.

I have spent decades showing up to death’s teachings and its ultimate generosity. Through my exploration and devotion to plant medicines and Spirit, to my lifetime commitment to curiosity and transformation. At its center, it has always come down to trust, SURRENDER and a belief that allowing things to die in this life is fucking worth it. Simply to be HERE and to find out who you really are.

This past year I’ve spent a lot of my time resting and regulating my systems; nervous, emotional, all of it. Early on, when I shared the closure, I was constantly met with the question, ‘What’s next?’ As if running a fashion brand for 24 years didn’t warrant a pause. As if I wouldn’t need time to detox from it. I get it though. We have all been trained never to unplug, to cling to the currency for dear life. It’s what keeps the machine running.

I’ve been making art, collaborating, traveling, working on incredible projects, having fun, moving my body, and most importantly being with my family. 

Honestly, it’s been the best version of my life so far. 

This offering is a practice in perpetually becoming, rooted in slowing down and paying attention. An invitation to be with what is, and to let artistry form from that space.

Something new is taking shape. Something cool. Something you may be longing for too.

Let’s see.

If this sounds good to you (YEEEAH!), I’d love to have you with me. SUBSCRIBE.

If not, thank you for reading this far, and I’ll see you soon with my next projects unfolding.

With only love and endless reverence for ALL OF IT.

Mara

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WHAT TO EXPECT:

ESSAYS AND VIDEOS: Biweekly (maybe more) posts in the form of essays, videos, photos that explore the totality of this current expression. 

SPONTANEOUS OFFERINGS: via notes and live-videos. 

 "Ask Mara": An open, intimate video-conversation series focused on what you're currently chewing on, your questions, reflections, and curiosities.

 DRESSING: Outfits, style, and vintage… I will forever love fashion and the art of dressing, so definitely expect a good amount of it. 

PRACTICES: Self care and embodiment practices that have been a huge part of my life and hopefully can inspire you too…Everything from movement to psychedelics and everything in between. 

CONVERSATIONS WITH FRIENDS: videos with inspiring humans who are giving me hope and curiosity through the lives they are living.

 I know there will be more, but for now hopefully this gives you an idea… 

Oh wait, and ALSO, travel… I can’t wait to share my itineraries (JAPAN first!!).

WHY SUBSCRIBE:

I’ve decided that once this gets going it will become a paid offering. It feels like a way of being in the exchange together, and it allows for more intimacy and vulnerability in the share. I am no longer selling you material objects, but my hope is that this offering can help you feel something special and connected to, similar to what the dresses were able to do. 

The free version of what I’ve offered has lived on Instagram and will continue to. I see this newsletter as the next chapter, as far as platforms go, and I want to feel excited here, inspired again to share and to do it much more robustly.

This space is a beginning.